Fuck these Niggas(or bitches)
Well this post is dedicated to all of us who have cried, been stressed, worried, got no sleep over a stupid ass man. This is about my last boyfriend, or whatever the hell he really was. He was older and more experienced (20 years to be exact) and he really broke my heart. Dont feel bad though cuz he told me front the begining what it really was. Now even though he was way older than me, to me he was sexy as hell. Sex was on point, he had 2 good jobs and he didnt act like a child. But that dont mean shit cuz he has issues as well. For one he always tried to belittle me. Made me feel like I wasnt good enough for him at times and he still does make me feel like that. There is a lot that I learned from him about being in a relationship, and I guess that was his purpose in my life.
I tried hard not to be "in love" with him, but after time you cant help but to catch feelings for someone. I think the thing that hurt most is that in 1 and1/2 years he never told me that he loved me. I mean you can have love for someone, but not be in love, and I dont know if he understood that. He showed me love by doing things, but for me that was not enough. So, I know that I was the one that really messed the relationship up by cheating and getting caught. But he told me from the start that he didnt want a girlfriend, so if I aint ya girl then I can fuck with whomever I please. So after the first time I cheated (stop laughing cole) he decided that we could be girl/boyfriend. But we getting older and and he wasnt trying to be my husband so fuck it I did what I wanted to do. Then I tried so hard to be faithful, but I just couldn't. Oh well. I was talking to one of my friends today and she was like you just like a nigga. Meaning that you just want the dick and no strings attached in certain relationships. That is so true, cuz I will crush on a nigga for like a week and the next week I wont even think about him. The thing about it is that before I would be quick to fuck and some people dont understand how you could do that, but when you got that nigga mentality, you do as niggas do and take the shit and run. I didnt look at it as being a hoe, but now i am like what the fuck was I thinking about. anyways the thing is I fucked him over and now I am paying for it. It is to the point where I want to cry and I cant even do it cuz it aint no need for tears at this point. But at the same time he was fucking me over as well cuz he let me get to the point where I cared too much. I guess that is why I cheated because we were at a place in our relationship where I wanted more but he wasnt willing to give. I aint used to that shit. I am used to getting what I want from a man.
I guess this is my get back for all the niggas that I threw to the side cuz I wasnt trying to buy the shit they was selling. I swear I would do anything for this man. If I had 20 $ to my name he couldve had 19 cuz he looked out for me. Well to make a long story short I moved to virginia and he was pissed and we did the long distance thing for a while. The last conversation we had he told me he was moving and he wouldnt have a phone for a while and he would call me when he got settled in. That was 2 months ago. I sent him an email about 3 weeks ago and told him I just needed to know that he was okay and that if he was it was fucked up how he handled the situation. No response, so then I called his # because it was still connected and this muthafucka changed the #. Well I guess he found time to call because he called me this past weekend when he knew I wouldnt be at home. This shit is so fucked up. I hate him, but i love him, but I dont want him anymore. If this is what love is like I dont want this shit. The good thing about this is that I have been celibate this whole year. If you know me you probally dont believe it, but its true so stop laughing. I just want to know what he is really doing, who is fucking, and why he doesnt want me anymore. That hurts when someone dont want you and you want them. It makes you not want to be in a relationship anymore and go back to your old ways, but fuck that AIDS is a bitch and I aint fucking with her. So know I am telling myself you might as well go ahead and make a thing out of being celibate. I dont know though, its hard especially when a nigga calling you talking about he got 10 inches waiting for ya. (Boy quit playing you dont know who you fucking with.) That story is for another day though. Anyways I feel better for the time being, so I guess I am through. Happy Birthday Lolo!
R.I.P. Big Momma- we miss you and love you.
Well this post is dedicated to all of us who have cried, been stressed, worried, got no sleep over a stupid ass man. This is about my last boyfriend, or whatever the hell he really was. He was older and more experienced (20 years to be exact) and he really broke my heart. Dont feel bad though cuz he told me front the begining what it really was. Now even though he was way older than me, to me he was sexy as hell. Sex was on point, he had 2 good jobs and he didnt act like a child. But that dont mean shit cuz he has issues as well. For one he always tried to belittle me. Made me feel like I wasnt good enough for him at times and he still does make me feel like that. There is a lot that I learned from him about being in a relationship, and I guess that was his purpose in my life.
I tried hard not to be "in love" with him, but after time you cant help but to catch feelings for someone. I think the thing that hurt most is that in 1 and1/2 years he never told me that he loved me. I mean you can have love for someone, but not be in love, and I dont know if he understood that. He showed me love by doing things, but for me that was not enough. So, I know that I was the one that really messed the relationship up by cheating and getting caught. But he told me from the start that he didnt want a girlfriend, so if I aint ya girl then I can fuck with whomever I please. So after the first time I cheated (stop laughing cole) he decided that we could be girl/boyfriend. But we getting older and and he wasnt trying to be my husband so fuck it I did what I wanted to do. Then I tried so hard to be faithful, but I just couldn't. Oh well. I was talking to one of my friends today and she was like you just like a nigga. Meaning that you just want the dick and no strings attached in certain relationships. That is so true, cuz I will crush on a nigga for like a week and the next week I wont even think about him. The thing about it is that before I would be quick to fuck and some people dont understand how you could do that, but when you got that nigga mentality, you do as niggas do and take the shit and run. I didnt look at it as being a hoe, but now i am like what the fuck was I thinking about. anyways the thing is I fucked him over and now I am paying for it. It is to the point where I want to cry and I cant even do it cuz it aint no need for tears at this point. But at the same time he was fucking me over as well cuz he let me get to the point where I cared too much. I guess that is why I cheated because we were at a place in our relationship where I wanted more but he wasnt willing to give. I aint used to that shit. I am used to getting what I want from a man.
I guess this is my get back for all the niggas that I threw to the side cuz I wasnt trying to buy the shit they was selling. I swear I would do anything for this man. If I had 20 $ to my name he couldve had 19 cuz he looked out for me. Well to make a long story short I moved to virginia and he was pissed and we did the long distance thing for a while. The last conversation we had he told me he was moving and he wouldnt have a phone for a while and he would call me when he got settled in. That was 2 months ago. I sent him an email about 3 weeks ago and told him I just needed to know that he was okay and that if he was it was fucked up how he handled the situation. No response, so then I called his # because it was still connected and this muthafucka changed the #. Well I guess he found time to call because he called me this past weekend when he knew I wouldnt be at home. This shit is so fucked up. I hate him, but i love him, but I dont want him anymore. If this is what love is like I dont want this shit. The good thing about this is that I have been celibate this whole year. If you know me you probally dont believe it, but its true so stop laughing. I just want to know what he is really doing, who is fucking, and why he doesnt want me anymore. That hurts when someone dont want you and you want them. It makes you not want to be in a relationship anymore and go back to your old ways, but fuck that AIDS is a bitch and I aint fucking with her. So know I am telling myself you might as well go ahead and make a thing out of being celibate. I dont know though, its hard especially when a nigga calling you talking about he got 10 inches waiting for ya. (Boy quit playing you dont know who you fucking with.) That story is for another day though. Anyways I feel better for the time being, so I guess I am through. Happy Birthday Lolo!
R.I.P. Big Momma- we miss you and love you.
posted by ebonyc at 6:44 PM
3 Comments:
"I hate him, but I love him, but I don't want him anymore..."
Damn chic, those are some words right there! It's probably good that you're venting & analyzing your feelings, & what role you played in the relationship. That's the sign of a real woman. We all make mistakes; err in judgement. How else would we grow?
Thx for stopping by my spot, I see you really are new in the game!! lol. Give me your email addy, and I'll see if I can give you some quick tips. Looks like you're finding your way!
Blessings!!
Hey, have you been eavesdropping? That sounds like the words that have spilled out the mouths of so many women that I know.
Yeah, me too, but SO WHAT! HEHE.
You couldn't find anyone better than The Supa Sister to get guidance from.
And she is right, when we recognize our issues (and not just blame the brothers), that's a step in the right direction so you can finesse and fine tune what you need for the next relationship.
Just a thought...
I understand the "hate him, but love him" thing - that's how I feel about my husband sometimes. Clearly this man is NOT good for you - or a healthy state of mind. He's got you twisted in ways you should NEVER be.
Hearing your story reminded me of myself during my early 20s. I'd crush hard and maybe 3 weeks later I'd be like, "James who?" hahaha...ah...the good ol days! HAHAHAHAHA!
Don't worry bout who he's fuckin and why he doesn't want you. HIS LOSS!! Fuck him! Not literally since you lose your mind off his bomb sex! HAHAHA! go on with your life and find someone that IS all about YOU - you deserve MORE...love yourself FIRST!!
And this is coming from a woman who's been married to the same man for 9 years (and together for 11). When a man sees you ain't trippin off his ass, he'll come around - and by then, you'll be off handling YOUR SHIT!!
Post a Comment
<< Home